We all know there’s no way to be a perfect mom—but a million ways to be a great one (thanks, Pinterest!). Still, if you’re choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, chances are you’ve had to defend your decision to your friends, family and that random guy from college you ran into at the Target. Here, ten things every SAHM is so sick of hearing. (Say them to your pals at your very own risk.)
1. “I could never stay home with my kids. I’d be SO bored.” Oh, you’d never find the time to be bored. Or to bathe.
2. “Since you don’t work, do you think you could…?” Here’s an unspoken truth about stay-at-home moms: The 55 minutes of free time they have between dropping off one kid and picking up another are precious pearls. They probably want to spend them scraping macaroni off the ceiling, or perhaps just staring at it.
3. “When are you going back to work?” As the great Avril Lavigne once asked, Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
4. “I’d get tired of not using my brain if I stayed home.” Let’s be clear: Getting two nursery schoolers into a bath before 6 p.m. requires sharper negotiating skills than any boardroom.
5. “I’d never want my wife to stay home.” Watch. Learn.
6. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work.” A) Child care is prohibitively expensive. So no such luck. B) Stepping in horse poop? It’s supposed to be good luck! Being pooped on by a bird? Also superstitiously lucky. When the poop you step in or get hit with came from a small human, you feel slightly less fortunate. And cleaning it up feels a lot like work.
7. “What do you do when they’re in school all day?” Decide which flavor of bonbons to try. Other than that, not a whole lot.
8. “I used to be a _____, but now I’m just a mom.” We’ve heard a version of this come out of our own mouths more times than we’d like to admit. It stops now.
9. “Since you’re home all day, you must make your kids the most healthy, from-scratch meals.” Nope! Mostly just pouches, Goldfish and air.
10. “Do you miss having a real job?” All the time and not at all, all at once. And FYI, I have the best job in the whole entire world.